Wasted Wishes 

Wasted wishes fall on deaf ears, there is nothing that can be done about his demons and I am hostage. 

Wasted wishes keep me awake at night and fill my growing body with unnecessary calories. Feed a broken soul.

Wasted wishes leave me alone with the exception of my loving dogs and I thank heaven for their love.

Wasted wishes are anxiety, panic and fear. 

Wasted wishes are life wasted.

Safety, I Scream

Each night the demons return, they scream and grip at my throat

Daylight, they hide in my head and heart. My body has become their cocoon.

I’ve done nothing so terrible to deserve this existence 

Spending each day repenting for sins others have committed leaves me exhausted

Bottles of different colored remedies do little for they cannot control my external life. 

Safety, I scream!

Night Terrors Day Terrors

My body betrays me and I live in constant fear of my own mind. It twists and turns thoughts, scenarios and demons crawl inside.

If there is a way to calm the crippling, it is not in a pill bottle. The green ones, the orange ones; they do nothing to suppress my angst.

Those around me cannot and do not understand my world. I’ve surrounded myself with vampires of the prettiest kind. Only my dogs save my desperate heart.

Please, peace from fear…

Fear

I live in fear of everything and it is no way to live. Is it living, or surviving? 

Today I say the words: 

“I will NOT live in fear!”

Pray the feeling lasts longer than breakfast 

Insert Charlie Brown reference here as he sits before Lucy

Fear, please set me free

If, The End of the World

If the end of the world is upon me what is it that I should do? 

The crashing in my head wakes me nightly, my heart beating faster than I can bare.

My only solace, the only ones who I love save me from disappearing into the night sky.

Let me alone with my dogs and books, be free.

The Constant Sound of Water

The constant sound of water distracts me from moving forward

I am in trapped in the mud created by the ceaseless downpour that comes from our relationship

Or, has it been brewing internally for more years than I can recall

Paralyzed by thoughts that won’t leave me alone, monsters that hide in the corners of my mind

A tortured soul inside of a fake smile that I wear like a cape

The endless sound of water is deafening and more often than not, I am grateful for the noise that distracts

Petrified of today

Regretting yesterday 

Crippled by tomorrow