Yesterday I tried a chemical exorcism
It failed
I may on the floor sobbing uncontrollably
Begging for it to “end”
This morning I woke up and the pain remained
Yesterday I tried a chemical exorcism
It failed
I may on the floor sobbing uncontrollably
Begging for it to “end”
This morning I woke up and the pain remained
5 years ago we had our last conversation: good night, I love you. Talk to you tomorrow.
Tomorrow came but you were gone. And I miss you all the time.
I love you!
As we spin towards the five year mark I am exhausted from the sadness and the pain of missing you every day and reliving it every night while I try to sleep me alone with the dogs instead of your warm embrace.
Your abrupt death changed everything and everyone that I knew and no longer know all of us are different now or so I would imagine because most of your family stopped speaking to me for some reason that I’ll never understand but it still hurts a little less every time I think of who they really were the entire time.
The tears are always right below the surface and I do a countdown wondering and waiting for the agony to quell and swell in my body and heart it’s so exhausting I’m always tired I worry about the dogs only because they are my family just us three despite friendships they are it.
Do you see me or hear me or feel the pain that was left behind I hope you don’t then again sometimes I wish that you did but you were very sick too sick if only I knew the entire truth of that night but nobody will tell me.
I love you and miss you – Always
I’ve put in so much weight that I don’t recognize myself. I’m fat and ugly.
I miss you so much
Can you see me?
It’s almost five years
I’m not ok
Part of me is fading away
I can’t explain it but I’m just resigned to being alone with my dogs
When my husband passed away he took almost all of me with him
What I show others is fake
And exhausting
Part of me is already
Gone
There are some feelings that words fail to express.
The agony of losing so many loved ones.
No words can explain the loneliness and the pain.
I read all the time but only dark novels.
No chic lit with cute happy ending because I’ve found out the hard way that it’s bullshit
Today is six years since I lost my father-in-law. He was the heart of the family. My husband was the laughter of the family.
They are together and at peace.
While I stay here… alone
I’m not physically hungry
I’m mentally hungry
Hungry broken heart