Wasted Wishes 

Wasted wishes fall on deaf ears, there is nothing that can be done about his demons and I am hostage. 

Wasted wishes keep me awake at night and fill my growing body with unnecessary calories. Feed a broken soul.

Wasted wishes leave me alone with the exception of my loving dogs and I thank heaven for their love.

Wasted wishes are anxiety, panic and fear. 

Wasted wishes are life wasted.

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If, The End of the World

If the end of the world is upon me what is it that I should do? 

The crashing in my head wakes me nightly, my heart beating faster than I can bare.

My only solace, the only ones who I love save me from disappearing into the night sky.

Let me alone with my dogs and books, be free.

Terminal Grief

I have never been cured of my terminal grief

Each time that I believe that there is any chance, life kicks me in the teeth. 

I will never get over the loss of my father.

I will never get over the loss of my sister, Faith.

And now I add that I will never get over the loss of my fake family. 

I’ve been fooled and betrayed, the pain cuts through my soul. I should have know better, my father warned me and I failed to listen.

My failures add up so high that the sun is no longer visible from where I sit. 

My two sweet dogs keep me together when I drop to my knees. 

Meanwhile, my estranged husband works on my emotions day and night, never allowing me any time to heal.

Terminal grief does not kill, it is not lethal. 

It simply leaves you hollow and wondering for the rest of your days.

Returned

He bought me an expensive necklace weeks after my birthday while manic. 

Today I asked him to return it despite the 6% fee. 

It was beautiful and under other circumstances I would have cried with joy upon receiving the diamond necklace; but I am not there right now.

I am not the person who gets that gift from her husband because he is not that husband. 

As I said,

He purchased it a few nights ago during a manic phase. It was never truly meant for me. 

And now I sit in the waiting room of his psychiatrist’s office…

Exhausted and wishing I was at home with my sweet dogs. 

Returned home.