I don’t want to be THAT GIRL anymore.
THAT GIRL everyone knows who will “step up” and take care of whatever is necessary. We love her because she is reliable, dependable and does all that she can to make everyone happy. She was taught at a very early age to be this way or be alone. Simple compromises that must be made for THAT GIRL. In her youth: She did her homework, sat with a blanket of books covering the forbidden snacks that set her apart and she never knew to be angry or that she was missing something important – others experienced – THAT GIRL is her own prisoner. No cell, no lock, no key; they were not required – none could ever be as strong as her mind created,
Fear of the Warden, the smallest bit of spit on her lip and rage flaming from her tongue would keep THAT GIRL hidden away as long as she could make it through the evening
until her only chance to return home and ever see of never seeing of course there was the Mom-ster Warden but she existed come evil or good. THAT GIRL learned how to hide well before she entered
THAT GIRL is falling apart at the seams. No time to take care of herself, no reason either. She is suffering with headaches, gaining weight, carries her sadness hidden deep inside and they love her that way. Nobody could imagine or want her any other way; somebody has to put an end to it all and give THAT GIRL another chance before she self destructs.
MY WISH #1: is for liberation, freedom and peace from all of the ghosts who won’t ever let her be alone. Strength to say NO or to change her mind without repercussion, instead of the weakness that has begun to show in her back as she hunches with age.
PEACE, I CRY OUT INTO THE NIGHT! The Army is facing toward me rather than away, in an offensive stance. When did everything get turned around – were they ever on her side or was that the demons magic?
THAT GIRL must resume the changes she once held so dear; with pride for breaking the chains – cutting the noose. If it is her responsibility to take care of everyone, to do for all who ask and hold back the pain – then, who can she go to for help when the walls crash and the vice tightens? When they programmed you to give until you bled, you were taught never to request anything in return. THAT GIRL is a martyr. Nobody wants to hear those repeated complaints – her pleas for anything; just be quiet, be good, give and never expect anything but gravity.
Is it time for THAT GIRL to move on? I am barely able to keep my eyes open after another restless night of semi-sleeping, mind racing and running from a thousand ghosts. Hold on for just one more minute, hour or day – head in pain and mind faltering – today I will bring my love home.