Bullied

I don’t want to discuss it but he’s back. 

Bullied, meant to feel guilty and back to the wall; I caved

There is nothing to talk about now. 

No words. 

Fooled, backed into a corner and taking two steps backwards..

His paranoia seems to have waned but his restless selfish demeanor remains fully intact. 

I am confused:

• the wife who can’t live with her husband

• the wife who can’t believe that she may end up alone

• the wife who misses what she has romanticized 

Perhaps things will feel better tomorrow.  (Insert sitcom laugh track here)


Be Gentle

Please, be gentle;

I am alone in my bedroom with the balcony door open, it is far too cold but I’ve wrapped myself in blankets. The sweet snoring of my basset hound is the music that fills the room. 

I choose to listen to his soft baritone over my list of songs waiting for me on my iPad. 

The curtains blow slightly, letting in enough fresh air to clear the room and free my allergies from the dust and smoke of the house. 

I sneak small spoonfuls of banana sorbet. It’s sweet and creamy; reminding me that there must be joy outside of this solitary room. 

Not that I mind being alone with me and my dog.  We are just fine, thank you. Just let us be. No need to criticize.  

Please be kind because I am not able to handle much right not. 

Kid gloves, please be gentle. 

Alone

To be alone in this place is where I feel the safest, nobody to dare judge me or ask me what’s next. What I had for dinner, did I walk the dog or do the laundry or how long did I sleep. No nasty little comments laced with arsenic that stings my tongue and you deny.

Whether it’s an hour or two, it’s just fine because it’s my time. I’ve got no responsibly. Except to my sweet dog, who I can sideline with play and supper time.

Please let me hide for a decade or so, let me be alone to figure out who I truly am, again.

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Sleep

Dog Sleeping after Studying

While I should be creating, doing, functioning – this (above) is me. Unabashedly fast asleep. My tools around, my pretend or make believe life keeping me nice and warm. None of them going to any use. They serve as hard pillows that leave sad indents on my face.

Don’t call. I won’t answer.
Don’t sent me an email or text. They’ll go unanswered.

Let me sleep.
No lights except the dim and a candle.

My dog and I.
Only come in the room if you can be quiet. And, for the love of God, think before you speak.

This is MY time.
I’ve no clue what’s next.
I’ve no cares either – none for now.

The shopping has stopped
No writer
No reader
No executive

Flux and her dog; perfectly fine this way.
Stop asking questions because you haven’t the right.

No dreams – it’s heavenly.