The Woman They Knew

The woman that they once knew has been gone for longer than anyone has noticed.  

As long as they are cared for, given proper attention and feel loved; the image of her does not have to match the reality.  

Ten thousand times the voices in her head are screaming her truth, but are silenced when they reach her bitter tongue.

Existing on a high wire of a magic and mirrors, desperate to be seen and discovered, far too many lean on her shattered shoulders.  

Dreaming of being held quietly and feeling safe are what keep her standing, when she can manage.

Someday there must be retribution or absolution.  

Arms that are strong enough to love her as she so deeply needs.  

Remembering the exact day: a Friday in October over six years ago, when she was hugged and felt real pure love.  

Since that day, heart in a million shards, she has never felt safe.

Lost, all those that were true and pure of heart.  

Angels waiting for her, watching her, a life of pain and loneliness.  

All around her, the woman they know is whomever they choose to see.  

Morphing when necessary.  

Still, knowing the desperation of being all alone in the world. 

A little girl, woman, waiting and wanting a fairytale for just “that hug” that will set her free of just some of the sadness. 

She smiles and listens to their veiled barbs and word attacks.

Nothing shakes her iron walls, quietly she weeps tears that nobody can possibly hear.

Songs fill the room of pain and empty words.

Eyes closed, heart broken and wishing the days away – the woman they know never existed.
  

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Not Dull – Dull

A whirlwind of everything, everyone and anything

Colliding and forming into tornados

Earthquakes and tsunamis

Reality screams of dull boredom and sleepless nights

Like tonight 

It’s well past 3:00am; sleep eludes me

True happiness would never be mundane or so I am led to believe

Quiet dull of peace

Waves silently lick the shoreline, not a sound 

Except the mirage of happiness

  

Nothing to Say

I fear that I am empty

There is nothing left of me but time.  

The acceptance that my days will be spent as a butterfly who is a caretaker – never free

Nothing left to say.

Imagine, this blog is more than I can emote. 

Do I have anything to say? Worth listening to any longer…

Who wants to hear the words of a caged butterfly?

NOW

• The smallest chore overwhelms me

• Laundry piles up, both clean and dirty

• The bed goes unmade although it bothers me 

• I’ve given up on so much, there will never be a novel or even a short story

• My weight will always remain unmanageable 

A lost friend has been discovered and I wonder how long before she disappears

Nothing to say – I pray for the tides to turn. For my friend to stay with me; for me to bond and work on being connected. 

Otherwise, empty. 

A caged butterfly. 

Someone Saved My Life Tonight

Someone Saved My Life Tonight 

Written by:

Elton John & Bernie Taupin 

Lyrics

When I think of those east end lights, muggy nights

The curtains drawn in the little room downstairs

Prima donna lord you really should have been there

Sitting like a princess perched in her electric chair

And it’s one more beer

And I don’t hear you anymore

We’ve all gone crazy lately

My friends out there rolling round the basement floor
And someone saved my life tonight sugar bear

You almost had your hooks in me, didn’t you dear

You nearly had me roped and tied

Altar-bound, hypnotized

Sweet freedom whispered in my ear

You’re a butterfly

And butterflies are free to fly

Fly away, high away, bye bye

I never realized the passing hours

Of evening showers

A slip noose hanging, in my darkest dreams

I’m strangled by your haunted social scene

Just a pawn out-played by a dominating queen

It’s four o’clock in the morning

Damn it! listen to me good

I’m sleeping with myself tonight

Saved in time, thank god my music’s still alive
And someone saved my life tonight, sugar bear

You almost had your hooks in me, didn’t you dear

You nearly had me roped and tied

Altar-bound, hypnotized

Sweet freedom whispered in my ear

You’re a butterfly

And butterflies are free to fly

Fly away, high away bye bye

And I would have walked head on into the deep end the river

Clinging to your stocks and bonds

Paying your h.p. demands forever

They’re coming in the morning with a truck to take me home

Someone saved my life tonight, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved my life tonight, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved my life tonight

So save your strength and run the field you play alone
And someone saved my life tonight, sugar bear

You almost had your hooks in me, didn’t you dear

You nearly had me roped and tied

Altar-bound, hypnotized

Sweet freedom whispered in my ear

You’re a butterfly

And butterflies are free to fly

Fly away, high away, bye bye

Someone saved, someone saved, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved, someone saved, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved, someone saved, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved, someone saved, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved, someone saved, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved, someone saved, someone saved my life tonight

Link to Someone Saved My Life Tonight

*ONE SONG CAN CHANGE A LIFE*

  

Homeward Bound

  My father speaks to me through the CD player as we drive back home from our stay with HIS family. “Homeward Bound“, that was one of OUR songs. 

One of the hundreds of songs that I’ve avoided for far too long. 

My Dad is reminding me that I must NOT forget that I am a BUTTERFLY. “Me & Bobby McGee” plays now and my boys flutter by a blaze of color. 

They give me solace and push me forward. 

Don’t let go! No matter what life holds for you when you return home; do NOT give up. 

Find your colors engulf yourself in their rainbows. 

Never allow the showers to drain the colors. 

No person (my angels and butterflies sing) shall ever have that power again. 

Be a BUTTERFLY!

Homeward bound and into the arms of waiting butterflies and angels to guide me and show me way. 

Thank you Daddy. 

I love you, always. 

  

Further from the Shore

I float further from the shore 

Closing my eyes, I let the sun burn down upon me. 

Long ago I gave up on returning to the beach. 

Further and further from the lights of any town. 

Nothing to hear but the crash of the waves.  

Eyes still closed, I await the inevitable. 

Calm, music of the sea playing in my head. 

No pain as evening arrives and the sun lets my skin breathe.  

In my mind’s eye, I can see them.

Those that I loved. 

So close. 

Getting closer. 

As I float further from the shore. 

Buried Butterfly

Today we set a butterfly free and we all wept because there are so very few. 

I could only dream of being such a beautiful creature. 

To be as amazing and loved seems impossible to this invisible girl.

How very loved this butterfly was; she would light up entire rooms with her mere presence. 

Amazing tributes that brought tears to everyone’s eyes. 

Love came to each person that she touched. 

A true earth butterfly; we were all blessed to have had a moment in her sunlight. 

This invisible girl has always yearned to be “you when I grow up”. 

Despite the years and the fact that I will never achieve your beauty; you will always be the perfect butterfly. 

Goodbye my dear friend.