Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

Did you expect this to happen, for this to be my future? Certainly you could not have predicted that your family would have left me as well. Did you believe that I was really as strong as I pretended? I am not.

It is just me and my dogs now. Everyone else is an illusion, they will pretend for only so long as they need my assistance with him. They will act the part long enough to ease their lingering guilt. But in the end, I am alone.

I always believed, because you told me, that I was strong enough to be all alone. That I was a loner – but no, it was because I had you. 

Now I don’t have you. It’s just me and my dogs. Where are you? You promised! I love you and I trusted you. At fifty, such a child still.

Wherever you are please watch over me and make me strong – I need you and love you.

Always your daughter…

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Action – Reaction

  

Action – Reaction:

My love for my new soulmate has had an amazing reaction on my husband. The man who has been ignoring me for too long, has suddenly begun to show me attention. 

Action – Reaction:

His new found adore feels wasted on me.  All of those years that I have craved his affection and attention; now they feel almost uncomfortable.  Maybe I’ve grown cold. Or just have filled my heart with other forms of love. 

Action – Reaction:

Life is complicated. I’ve spent hundreds of nights waiting for him to remember that I was in the room. Now my only concern is making sure everything I need can be delivered or has a drive-thru window. 

Action – Reaction:

I have loved my husband since the day we met with such a fierce passion. Never did I doubt that we were going to laugh and be united the rest of our days. 

Young love grows up and endures life. Lives. Cries. Builds and grows. In my mind’s eye we become a detailed braid – silly poet girl. 

Action – Reaction:

Heading toward midlife, feeling empty and alone, in a “good marriage” – my angels spoke to me. 

“Find a companion who will love you as you love him. Open your heart and be free of the darkness”

Action – Reaction:

Let time go by and the balance I once imagined in a dream become reality. 

Or, let my best friend and I stay as butterflies. 

Sweet Exhausted Bliss

I am exhausted from early morning long walks, midday walks and late night walks. 

It is pure bliss!

My husband is at his wits end and does not know what to do. 

If I am out of the house for one minute, my sweet hound barks like crazy. 

He NEEDS me; I haven’t felt this loved and exhausted in a GOOD way – in I cannot recall how long. 

If I cannot leave the house for months:  FINE!

He loves me and makes me feel needed and loved in a pure puppy love way. 

And my poor dear husband who has ignored me for more months than not is tripping over himself to figure out what to do. 

I smile secretly. 

Sweet exhaustion. 

  

New Rules!

Now that I’ve found my new soulmate, there are NEW RULES!

• I no longer have to go to ANY event that I chose not to attend. 

• There is now a trusted companion in my life. I’m no longer hostage to him and his family. 

• My soulmate will take up my time and my adoration; he will give me kisses instead of taking me for granted. 

• I have saved him AND he has saved me. 

• He is MY family, I no longer have to ache and feel alone. 

• The Angels have sent him and I am blessed. 

• This is my sweet hound. 

MINE

  

Nothing to Say

I fear that I am empty

There is nothing left of me but time.  

The acceptance that my days will be spent as a butterfly who is a caretaker – never free

Nothing left to say.

Imagine, this blog is more than I can emote. 

Do I have anything to say? Worth listening to any longer…

Who wants to hear the words of a caged butterfly?

NOW

• The smallest chore overwhelms me

• Laundry piles up, both clean and dirty

• The bed goes unmade although it bothers me 

• I’ve given up on so much, there will never be a novel or even a short story

• My weight will always remain unmanageable 

A lost friend has been discovered and I wonder how long before she disappears

Nothing to say – I pray for the tides to turn. For my friend to stay with me; for me to bond and work on being connected. 

Otherwise, empty. 

A caged butterfly. 

Someone Saved My Life Tonight

Someone Saved My Life Tonight 

Written by:

Elton John & Bernie Taupin 

Lyrics

When I think of those east end lights, muggy nights

The curtains drawn in the little room downstairs

Prima donna lord you really should have been there

Sitting like a princess perched in her electric chair

And it’s one more beer

And I don’t hear you anymore

We’ve all gone crazy lately

My friends out there rolling round the basement floor
And someone saved my life tonight sugar bear

You almost had your hooks in me, didn’t you dear

You nearly had me roped and tied

Altar-bound, hypnotized

Sweet freedom whispered in my ear

You’re a butterfly

And butterflies are free to fly

Fly away, high away, bye bye

I never realized the passing hours

Of evening showers

A slip noose hanging, in my darkest dreams

I’m strangled by your haunted social scene

Just a pawn out-played by a dominating queen

It’s four o’clock in the morning

Damn it! listen to me good

I’m sleeping with myself tonight

Saved in time, thank god my music’s still alive
And someone saved my life tonight, sugar bear

You almost had your hooks in me, didn’t you dear

You nearly had me roped and tied

Altar-bound, hypnotized

Sweet freedom whispered in my ear

You’re a butterfly

And butterflies are free to fly

Fly away, high away bye bye

And I would have walked head on into the deep end the river

Clinging to your stocks and bonds

Paying your h.p. demands forever

They’re coming in the morning with a truck to take me home

Someone saved my life tonight, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved my life tonight, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved my life tonight

So save your strength and run the field you play alone
And someone saved my life tonight, sugar bear

You almost had your hooks in me, didn’t you dear

You nearly had me roped and tied

Altar-bound, hypnotized

Sweet freedom whispered in my ear

You’re a butterfly

And butterflies are free to fly

Fly away, high away, bye bye

Someone saved, someone saved, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved, someone saved, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved, someone saved, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved, someone saved, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved, someone saved, someone saved my life tonight

Someone saved, someone saved, someone saved my life tonight

Link to Someone Saved My Life Tonight

*ONE SONG CAN CHANGE A LIFE*

  

Homeward Bound

  My father speaks to me through the CD player as we drive back home from our stay with HIS family. “Homeward Bound“, that was one of OUR songs. 

One of the hundreds of songs that I’ve avoided for far too long. 

My Dad is reminding me that I must NOT forget that I am a BUTTERFLY. “Me & Bobby McGee” plays now and my boys flutter by a blaze of color. 

They give me solace and push me forward. 

Don’t let go! No matter what life holds for you when you return home; do NOT give up. 

Find your colors engulf yourself in their rainbows. 

Never allow the showers to drain the colors. 

No person (my angels and butterflies sing) shall ever have that power again. 

Be a BUTTERFLY!

Homeward bound and into the arms of waiting butterflies and angels to guide me and show me way. 

Thank you Daddy. 

I love you, always.