Shaking, as I wait

I cannot rest. 

Though I am exhausted. 

Shaking, as I wait for him to return. Wondering who will walk through the door and what his mood will be towards me. 

Shaking, as I had my first mammogram today. The results come in later this week. 

His father’s words ring in my ears: “if there is anything found, remove it immediately“. 

Shaking, as I wait for him to return from the doctor who dares to blame his psychosis on me. I am supposed to “take it“.

Self-preservation. 

Shaking, as I wait for my stomach to churn again. As I rush for the bathroom and curse the anti-anxiety medicine which is not working. 

Shaking, as I wait to find out who comes home. 

Shaking, as I wait for another person dictates my life. 

Watching the clock I wonder if I was wrong to tell his parents and warn his doctor.  

What is love if not to protect?

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