This is what fear looks like:
• Waking up and counting the hours until you can go back to sleep.
• Not remembering if you showered yesterday.
• Knowing your husband’s shadowy moods will dictate your day.
• Wishing you had just one friend.
• Feeling hunger and getting sick after each attempt at eating.
• Making lists that – wait, you’ve stopped making lists.
• The writer in your soul has been lost amongst the darkness.
• Hating the medication.
• Missing those that I’ve lost but never speaking a word.
• Desperately wanting to scream – but keeping silent instead.
• Looking for a higher power because everything and everyone on Earth has failed you.
• Cursing the darkness and shaking in terror when you are alone.
• Being finished talking about “it” and what you should or should not be doing.
• Crying endlessly alone on the inside and acting without pain on the outside.
• Constantly thinking, “Please send me a direction and I need a friend”.
• Living in his shadow, wanting what is best for him and fearing the worst at every turn.
• Praying that you’ve got the right combination of medication to sleep a full twelve hours.
This is what fear looks like.