I have no clue who Is returning home tomorrow. The man that will enter our home is a mystery. I’ve no idea who the man behind the door will be and how he will react.
I am frightened.
Will he be the man of one year ago? Or will he rapidly turn back into the monster that had to be hospitalized, again.
I don’t know that I can manage another breakdown on his part. In fact, I am quiet sure that it will be our demise. There is only so much that I can handle and my body and mind are rapidly betraying me.
The entire world revolves around him. His mother gives me bullshit to keep me around and make me feel as though she is on my side. I am not stupid, she and her husband are far too sick. We all know that I am all that he has – his future.
There is not one person in this group that has my needs in their world. None of them want the responsibility. They want HIM to be taken care of – no thought to my mental or physical health.
The man who will walk in from behind the door tomorrow could be anyone. He is mine, there is no choice, I am alone and screaming into an empty well.