On My Own

On my own, scared beyond words. 

Both of my boys are in the hospital and I am here all alone

There is nothing that anyone can say to me to make this any better. No words that can make my future look anything but bleak. 

Friends only want to hear so much before they begin to disappear. Who can blame them; I’d run the other way as well. 

Am I wasting my time with talk therapy?  Spending hour after hour and feeling like I’m drowning

Maybe he wants to run the other way as well. 

I am poison; everyone around me withers and dies.  Breaks and shatters.  Stay far away from me before I destroy you as well. 

I took all of them for granted and now that I am all alone ON MY OWN, I’m petrified. 

This is ALL my fault, I pushed him too hard. I didn’t care for him enough. I’m a failure in more ways than I can count. 

OH!  My poor sweet dog as well, how I failed him. 

On my own as I knew it would end. My destiny. Pack up and prepare to move – HA! 

I can barely manage to shower, eat and change my clothes. I have lost the desire to care for myself; not that it was ever my strength. 

Now I don’t exist. I simply don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve anything but the loneliness which engulfs me. 




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