My world Is no longer feels safe; it is a facade and I’ve no clue what is next.
The person beside that I LOVE, he has changed his mask to another that I vaguely recognize from too many years ago.
The face that I feared for him; not for me.
Only now, two decades later the world has changed and I’m invested.
Extracating myself is an impossibility that I’d NEVER consider.
It’s the horror of the unknown – not knowing what is next. Who will he morph into?
• Will he return to the man I know?
• Fall deeper into the well of darkness?
There is no way to know – no way to guess – alas, I live with day and night terrors.
What is next?
• I sit outside of his doctor’s office and hope that I get an opportunity to speak.
• Waiting to see what she says – if he is honest with her – with himself.
My day and night terrors continue with little end in sight. There are swirls of lies and opinions, none of which feel like the truth.
Please give me back the sanity that used to be my life – the fear is breaking me faster than him.