Screaming in my Head!

I am SCREAMING in my head!

No longer functioning

Raging against everyone and everything except my dog

If we could run away – a pipe dream

The sight of him, his voice and the words just make me want to SCREAM!

He’s no idea who I am or how I feel 

None of them do

The incredible pressure which crushes me in the middle of the night while he sleeps in a bed and I lay awake on a lumpy sofa – I pay for it ALL

Our house, not home, turns to a shambles

I used to care, I don’t any longer

To SCREAM would be such a wonderful release; instead I punish myself with food and negativity 

While he talks in the phone, laughing 

Or watches television and I read book after book; each more depressing than the other

Walking the streets at 4:00 am with my dog – no fear

He sleeps, no clue of the building resentment and RAGE

All of them, it’s coming to them, no clue of the SCREAMING in my head that never ends 

Thankfully, I’m well versed in the fine art of make believe and can fool even the most astute of family and friends 

They’ve no idea of my ANGER, my RAGE

If only the words in my head were ever to spill out into the air, the entire world would change forever 

Alas, he would blame it on the medication 

My parents

Anyone but him

Just once hold me and let me cry in your arms rather than making me feel like a fool

Instead, have another beer

Make another telephone call

Run a quick errand

And believe you make me happy

Happy is not SCREAMING in my head!

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