Words From Elsewhere

I lost my only sister in the Spring of 2013; she was eleven years my senior.  There are a million regrets which keep me awake at night. I was jealous, worshipped her and wanted to “be her” – well, until the end…  She walked off a building, forgetting to call me first to stop her. 

•  Of late my godchildren have been kept far away by their brooding and depressed mother. It’s been hellish for me because I consider these children to be mine.  (My choice, 100%:  I’ve got my dear hounds instead of human children)  

Missing these kids has been a true hole in my heart. 

•  Amongst the agony, my son (my basset hound) has required surgery.  

In all candor, it has been a dark time when (for a very brief moment) I looked towards my sister and began to believe she was wise. 

Until a few days ago; magically my open-hearted, funny and so very kind, heart on his sleeve thirteen year old godson began calling me daily. 

💝 My heart burst open. 💝

Last night my goddaughter rang me, suddenly I felt whole again. 

As though somebody had given me back my family. Such a blessing. 

My girl, with her candor, laughter, introspective intelligence, gentle kindness and a voice that I could listen to forever. 

It’s almost 4:00am, I am weeping with joy to have my family back.

The children that I didn’t give birth to but love as though I did.

The girl and boy who I consider (quite greedily) to be mine

Yesterday, or was it the day before, my lost sister sent me an email. 

Not literally – my email server went berserk and thousands of emails repopulated my “in-box“. 

I received an email from MY sister; she wrote to me:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~June 19, 2010:

“I pray that we always feel to those who are the closest; tapping us on the shoulder and helping us along the complex path of life.” 

I love you, Sis!

Faith
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have not stopped feeling weepy, connected, disconnects, grateful, sad, happy, alone and blessed since my sister wrote to me (again); three years after her demise. 

********************************

My dearest Faith,

I know you are with me, that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss you. 
Thank you for reminding me about what was becoming a mirage. I guess that you knew that I needed it, didn’t you.  
Please hug Daddy for me. I ache for his loss. I know you are by his side. 
I miss you terribly and pray that you are at peace.

Always your sister.  
I love you, Sis!
Me




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