As Your Wife 101: A Syllabus

Let me preface this entry by saying that I love you more than any person on Earth.
I want to spend my life with you and you only.

We have been married for fourteen years and together for eighteen; therefore I believe it is time for a refresher course on what is expected in A Relationship.

I preface this with full knowledge that I do not believe, even for one moment, that I am without a long list of flaws.
I am quite sure that you have a List of your own that you would like for me to review; and I am more than happy to take a refresher course if you care to prepare one. Historically you are not one to emote or prepare for almost anything therefore:
I am going to (rightfully or wrong) assume at this juncture you’ve stopped reading and are merely scanning the page for anything that mentions:
1. Sex
2. Your family
3. Your friends

You know I am far more complex than to jot down a quick list; as I know you are not even going to read (well, retain) any portion of the aforementioned list.

Alas, I will begin and attempt to put this in terms which are simple and clear.

If at any time you are confused, upset, disagree, angered or just fall asleep – please be aware that I am here to help. This is NOT a criticism of you as a man, husband, human being or member of society, it is a gentle nudge back on track. See first sentence, “I love you“.

Shall we begin?

As your wife there are certain things that I should be able to expect without being presumptuous. This is in no way implying anything about male-female roles in 2014; but are important and applicable.

That being said, at this juncture I think it is time for: Marriage 101 A Review

• Our lives are ours, not every detail needs to be shared with your friends or family. It is uncomfortable and inappropriate.

• I am your best friend, this is not to be confused with your “buddy”. For example, I do not want to hear about the escapades of your divorced, single or “open-married” friends.

• To that end, as there is a feeling of attraction involved in a marriage; it would be helpful if you did not feel comfortable enough to: pass gas, talk to me while in the bathroom, sniff any portion of yourself and fail to cut your fingernails or brush your teeth.

• Please do not rush me, get agitated or frustrated if I do not JUMP when called upon. It’s degrading and festers an already brewing anger.

• I am not stupid. In fact, I am intelligent and you should not think or treat me otherwise. My lack of coordination does not mean that I cannot run an entire Broker-Dealer.

• I cannot write while you hover in the office. I give you space, please respect my need for an hour or two of alone time.

• intimacy is necessary. I cannot recall the last time that any sort of sexual act included more than just you. It destroys my self-esteem and adds to my need to sleep on the sofa in lieu of our bed.

• If you are no longer attracted to me than honesty is appreciated. I am starving for physical affection and the less you show me results in my distancing myself from you. Again, sex includes both parties.

• Understand that I am alone in the world, I’ve no biological family, and do not insist that your family, while very kind, are my family.

• If you take nothing else from my primer, than at least promise to speak to me with respect, don’t make jokes at my expense (immediately followed by “I’m kidding!”) because it hurts and PLEASE stop taking me for granted.

Even the mightiest cliffs suffer over time, they disintegrate and pieces of them fall into the ice cold water – never to be seen again. When the seascape fade, the town may flood with the frigid waters which they failed to consider.

Of course this is a fantasy,.

I will never show you this posting and even if I did, you would fail to read it because you’re far too busy on the telephone or asleep.

Wake up! I miss intimacy! I am alone! Please come back.

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